Depression

Depression is something that can creep up on you.

One moment, a person can feel fine and the next they feel as if their whole world is breaking down.

One of the stupidest things that I ever heard in life, was for someone to say that they think depression is not real, that it is just an excuse.

Seeing someone that you love and care about change before your eyes isn’t something that you make up in your head. Seeing someone go through life, constantly battling to do even the simple things like popping out to the shops or even trying to crack a smile, is not something that is just imagined.

The strongest people in life, seem to have gone through stages of depression. A sadness so deep and a situation so complex or hurtful that on the surface some days may be alright and others are just unbearable.

Everyone knows what it feels like to be sad. But depression is something that you can’t just shift or brush off. Even if the person is alright for days, weeks or months, they still feel the same way. It’s been described as a feeling of emptiness. Feeling a void somewhere inside that needs to be filled by happiness.

The mind is indeed a powerful thing and it can affect us in many different ways.

Sometimes I think to myself that if I travel the world I will be able to find myself. But it is not possible to just run away from the void that you feel inside. Sometimes the only way that things can get better is to change a routine and to develop different habits of distraction.

In the past, this void would be filled by male attention. The feeling of being wanted by someone. But I no longer see the point in dating for the sake of it. Yes going on dates with different people is one way of building confidence but there is no point trying to rebound and to force yourself to get over one person by getting with another.

Despite everything that any of you readers are going through, remember that we make mistakes in order for us to learn from them. There is no such thing as a perfect person, so don’t beat yourself up for being a bit difficult.

Live, love, learn, appreciate,
aspire, achieve.

 

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Vision of Love

 

I dreamt of a place full of love,

Where the angels go to play,

A place that belongs high above,

And no people go astray.

 

The place was filled with beauty,

No cries, no pain, no hurt.

For once the world had no duty,

No reason to be alert.

 

The atmosphere was calming,

No sign of deceit or lies.

A break from death and embalming,

No need for hatred, war and disguise.

 

I woke up in the morning,

With a smile upon my face.

No indication of hate or scorning,

Just beauty, sunshine and grace.

 

I felt like there were no worries,

No-one to try and cause me pain.

But then I wandered back to reality,

And again I was to blame.

 

If only there was somewhere,

That could take away the strain.

The burdens of everyday life,

People living their life like it’s just a game.

 

But through this hurt and torment,

There seems to be a light,

A chance to live without consent,

And for the whole world to unite.

 

Akeshia xo

Think Like A Man

Whilst in Barbados last year I found myself watching a hilarious American comedy film that really got me thinking.

The film took a brilliant feminist slant and showed women outsmarting the men they were dating in order to get them to treat them right. It also filled the cinema with laughter and some people even clapped at the end (a bit strange I know).

It wasn’t until I was back in England that I realised that the book in the film actually existed.

While in Waterstones searching for a new read, a group a girls ran in and frantically asked a worker if they had Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.

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After watching the group of girls storm towards a nearby shelf, I decided to take a gander for myself. And that was it. After reading the blurb, a bit of the preface and flicking through some pages, I paid for the book and hastily left the store. Literally like a kid that just got a bag of candy.

To be perfectly honest, I never really imagined myself to read a relationship book. I don’t know why, but I never thought I would. But boy, I’m glad I was wrong.

In 2 days I managed to finish the book page for page. I know it’s a small book but for me that is quick! Steve Harvey really made me laugh; his classic humour and straight to the point style kept me thoroughly engaged.

The film certainly is a good marketing tool and the book is pretty amazing. I found myself agreeing with everything that Steve Harvey was saying and seeing the way that men actually think from their point of view really put things into perspective.

Females are constantly trying to figure men out. If the men aren’t in trouble now, they will be later (that sort of thing). Women ask questions and they expect answers. When these questions aren’t answered the way they expect, arguments start and the drama begins.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

As Harvey states “…men are simple”. And I admit that my mind sometimes does over complicates things.

Reading the book made me look at things in such a different light. Even when a guy asks me if I want to go for a drink I start thinking about his intentions. According to Harvey, men want the “cookie” and if they don’t get it they will go off and find it elsewhere.

When someone asks me out somewhere, I automatically think that they want something. Harvey believes that if a woman wants a man to actually treat her right, that they have to be able to respect themselves. And he is right. How is a man going to be able to respect you if you show signs that make him think that you don’t want him to?

The problem we have, is that we are too caught up with mind games. But playing these games and not being upfront may be the cause of the problems.

Saying that, its not only the females who have to be upfront, these things work both ways.

Innocent Crush

Don’t make it obvious,

He’s looking over now,
Don’t screw up big time,
You’ll never live it down.

Try and break the eye contact,
Try and hide the blush,
Don’t let him realise,
How he makes your senses rush.

Just act cool and don’t give in,
Although your heart is smitten,
If you do you’ll never win,
Just leave the story unwritten.

 

 

Sheep – Why Follow?

When I came to university, my aunt said that this was the place that I was going to find my husband.

When I got to university, my first thought was WHERE?

Everyone looked the same, dressed the same and pretty much acted in the same way. It was like being in a town full of pretty boys. But not the good type.

The types of boys who want to be classed as ‘The Man’. Want to sleep with as much girls as they can and spread the most STIs.

If one boy changed something, the others would follow. First it was with the chinos. Everyone started wearing them. Then it was the socks out look and then the chest out look.

Everyone looks so much the same that when I actually find a bit of eye candy. I will literally step back, mouth open and admire the beauty before me.

It’s actually so bad that it has got to the point where my hottie radar starts to go on override when I’m in reach to someone different.

Why follow everyone else?

I know that I have a certain type, but even if the sexiest boy who fit my type was to approach me, if they’re a sheep and if they have no personality, I won’t give them a second look.

Different is good. C’mon now, we don’t all want to be the same.

 

Goodbyes and Letting Go

Like I said before, sometimes moving on is the hardest thing to do.

For that reason Mr Nice, I’m saying goodbye and letting you go. Goodbye to all the games and b/s and hello to a different kind of independence.

I’ve passed the stage where I think all guys are the same. I’ve seen that someone can treat you right and be nice. But I’ve also realised more than ever now that it is also about timing.

It’s alright to have a relation with someone without labelling things but it is still important to know where you stand. Being a female, I tend to think ahead all of the time. Always wondering about the what ifs and trying to pan out how everything is going to go.

Life does not work that way.

Everyone has different wants and needs and despite how well two people get on, if the timing is all wrong then it is not going to work.

For that reason, letting go doesn’t seem that hard anymore. I’m putting my foot down and I’m going to listen to my head. If things are meant to be then they will work out in the future. But for now I’m saying my goodbyes to you and everything that reminds me of you.

Sleep

Early starts to days ending in late nights.

This must be the life of a student.

I don’t understand why my sleeping pattern is so effed. I had a banging headache all day and now when I try to sleep I manage to distract myself somehow.

I think I need a remedy for sleep. Any tips?

I always seem to find myself lying here thinking of the things that I should be doing instead of actually doing them…

 

Akeshia xo