How to spot if you’re in an abusive relationship

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. About a year to be exact. So much has happened and changed since then, myself most likely included.

Flicking through the Internet for birthday present ideas and how to actually make things by hand, I discovered a cute site about a month ago. A site where you can sign up and just post stories, blog posts, advice, or whatever you want. Where you can create your own little mini series of editorial (um, so basically blogging?)

This post is the only one I managed to write on the app so far, but thought it would be worth sharing considering previous content posted here. I hope that this helps anyone in this situation.

How to spot if you’re in an abusive relationship

You would think that it would be easy to identify that you’re in an abusive relationship.

But sometimes abuse isn’t as obvious as you would think it is. Though some abuse is physical and leave signs, sometimes this isn’t how it starts.



Emotional abuse is one of the major signs that you’re in an abusive relationship.

This can be extremely difficult to spot and come to terms with, especially if your relationship is new and you’re still getting to know each other.


Jealousy and issues trusting are signs that your partner may have abusive traits.

When your partner starts to accuse you of cheating or lying, this paranoia is sometimes because they themselves are guilty of this and they are trying to control and manipulate you.


Turning you against your friends (even if he hasn’t met them yet) is a form of trying to separate you from the ones who care about you. If you’re friends aren’t in the picture then it’s easier for your partner to isolate you and for no one to interfere in your relationship.

This means that you will turn to him for advice that you would normally get from a friend and is another way of trying to emotionally manipulate you to trust him.


When you’re in a healthy relationship, you and your partner will have respect for one another and won’t want to hurt each other. Name-calling is another way of breaking down confidence and once you have isolated yourself, is a very detrimental form of abuse as it destroys confidence and makes you think you are what they say you are.


If your boyfriend calls you a “liar” or a “slut” or any other terms like “stupid” for long enough – you will start to believe it and can lead to you questioning if you are crazy or paranoid.


You know yourself so sometimes if you think that you aren’t being treated right then go with your gut.


Telling you what to wear, what to do, or how to act are signs of controlling behaviour.

Psychologically, partners who abuse are normally people who have controlling traits of behaviour.


In some cases, the abuser has become this way because they have their own inner demons and may have been abused in the past so have now taken on the role of the bully.

After exposure to pro-longed control, the victim will look to their partner for permission to do things and are scared of what will happen if they don’t.



Normally the victim of the abuse can’t even see what is happening to them.

You may have experienced this yourself personally or by seeing this happen to a friend.

The victim is blind to the abuse and starts to come up with excuses or lies for their partner to try and protect them from any scrutiny.


This can lead to falling out with friends if your friends are trying to break you apart.

Emotional trauma from domestic abuse can really alter the personality of the victim, resulting in paranoia, anxiety, depression, and other psychological factors.



As well as accusing you for things that you know that you didn’t do, it is common for abusive partners to blame you for things (especially things that they did wrong).

For example, if you confront your partner about cheating they could blame you for leading them to be unfaithful which results in the victim feeling as if they are worthless and everything is their fault.


The abuser will normally find it very hard to take responsibility for what they have done and to apologise for their wrongdoing.


If you feel like no matter how depressed you may be or look, your partner just doesn’t care or notice – this may be because they lack empathy. Empathy is when you are able to understand and feel compassion. When this is lacking then it is clear that the person doesn’t care enough.



These are only a few of the signs to help you spot if you’re in an abusive relationship.

When it starts to become physical or sexual abuse, although it seems more obvious about what is happening, the victim can usually be blind to this as well (because they are in denial).


If you or anyone you know are a victim of abuse it can be hard to get out of the relationship due to fears, but from experience it can be done.


Do you have any advice or essential points to add?